


To Whom Do I Belong  Now?

by starspawnedwarlock



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Fights, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Ice Style, Ice release, Jutsu, Minor Character Death, hyouton
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22534561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starspawnedwarlock/pseuds/starspawnedwarlock
Summary: Haku was prepared to sacrifice his life to protect Zabuza, the only person to ever need him. He was willing to die. But so was Zabuza. And now he is stranded in a life lost of direction, filled with grief and wrath, his only saving grace: the man he wants dead.
Relationships: Haku & Hatake Kakashi, Haku & Uchiha Sasuke, Haku & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 13
Kudos: 45





	1. I'm Sorry, Kid

Haku didn't hesitate to jump into action when he realised what was happening. He heard Kakashi charging towards his sensei, jutsu at the ready. He knew he had to do something. And so as a shudder ran down his spine, he reached out and grabbed the boy's swinging wrist, the kunai stopping inches from his face. He knew he didn't have time to explain his sudden change of heart.

"I'm sorry Naruto!" He spoke quickly, bringing up his hand to perform his final jutsu. "I can't die yet!" And with that he did his hand seals, and disappeared, his hyōton already at work. 

He constructed the ice mirror beside Zabuza with as much speed as he could muster, and pulled himself through. He took a step out, and saw Kakashi charging towards him, a ball of lightning in his hands, crackling violently. Accepting his fate, Haku stepped in front of Zabuza.

He was okay with this, if this was to be his fate. He had failed Zabuza in being beaten by Naruto, but this would undo that. Saving Zabuza's life is as useful as he could ever hope to be. And without Zabuza who was he? Nothing. Useless and unneeded once again. This was the only way that made sense. Zabuza lived, and he died. Anything else woud simply not make sense. This was how it was to be. This was how Haku was supposed to die.

Then he was being thrown to the side, a sudden hand on his shouder caught him unaware, as Kakashi continued to charge. He fell hard, and looked up to see Zabuza, the dogs still clamping their jaws onto him. He felt pure terror, as the world started to twist and screech in his mind. The only thing that remained clear was Zabuza in front of him, not looking at the charging jōnin, but instead at him, with the most peculiar and confused look on his face.

Then Kakashi slammed into him.

Haku screamed out as the ninja's fist, charged with lightning, sank into his sensei's chest with a wrenching of flesh, and burst out the other side. Great spurts of blood covered Kakashi and the ground behind Zabuza. He tried to get up to his feet but stumbled and fell back down to his knees. He looked up desperately to Zabuza, words not coming to his lips. The Missin-nin looked up at Kakashi, then down to the arm going directly through his chest, and then, finally, down to Haku. 

"I... I..." 

He looked back up to Kakashi, before rage overtook his face. With a snarl, he lashed out, punching the jōnin square in the jaw, and sending him stumbling back. He gasped as the hand was wrenched from his torso, and yet more of blood flowed out. His face growing paler by the second, he reached back and drew his sword, swinging it down with all the strength he could muster. 

Kakashi dodged the blade easily, stepping to the side, and jumped over the long sideways swipe the Kirigakure renegade attempted next. Zabuza stepped forward to swing again, but the sword only swung a few degress before it slowed to a halt, and he stumbled back. Haku, frozen still with shock up until this point, dashed forward to catch his falling sensei.

"Zabuza..." He felt tears well in his eyes, previously too paralysed to cry. "I'm sorry."

His sensei looked up to him, and Haku could not tell what was going through his mind. 

"Why? Why did you do that?" He asked pleadingly, looking for an answer in the dying man's eyes. Dying? No, he wasn't dying. Zabuza wasn't dying.

The mercenary ninja looked up to him, that furrow-browed and squinting look of confusion coming to his face once more. "I... don't know." His body was near grey now, all the blood pooling underneath him, soaking Haku's clothes.

"My body just... moved on its own."

He seemed to reach out to Haku, blood stained fingers, covered in scars, bruises and cuts, just giving the lightest brush against his face.

"I don't know."

His hand fell, and Haku watched as his breathing stopped, and his stare went blank. 

The boy stared at the corpse, his completely still. He heard Kakashi slowly approach from behind, and shakingly turned his head to look up to the jōnin. Kakashi looked down at him with downcast eyes. 

"I'm sorry, kid."

Haku felt ice clutch his heart, and his fists clenched. In a flash he was up, and swinging his leg in a kick aimed for the ninja's head. Kakashi raised his arm to block, but was caught in the chest by a kick as the boy twisted in mid air and lashed out. Haku landed and immediately launched into a jutsu, before stamping his foot. A barrage of ice needles shot towards Kakashi, whose arm became a blur as he deflected almost all of them, getting a few minor impalements. 

Haku added a few senbon of his own, aimed precisely, but found them knocked away. He dashed forward again, attempting to stab the throat of the ninja before him. They exchanged swipes and blocks for several more seconds before Haku saw his opening. With his nearly broken hand, he signed a jutsu as he drove his elbow into Kakashi's stomach. He stomped just as Kakashi was put off guard by the winding strike, and barely managed to deflect half of the needles. 

As the jōnin fell back, bleeding profusely from over a dozen stab wounds, Haku prepared for his most primal hyōton technique. All the water beneath and around Kakashi immediately froze over, large ice spears ready to burst up and tear apart the body of Zabuza's murderer, just like they had his mother's.

Haku's teeth were bared and gritted, the boy sending whatever chakra he had left into the ice. 

_For you, Zabuza._

He gasped as something barged into him, too caught up in thoughts of vengeance to notice his assailant. Not taking the time to check for his own safety, Haku looked over to Kakashi immediately, and prepared to finish his jutsu. But his interruption had given the jōnin the time he needed to escape. 

Near roaring in sheer wrath, Haku looked down to what had knocked him down, and was surprised to find... Naruto? The boy was wrapped around his midsection, quickly getting up to look at him.

"No! Remember what I said!" 

Haku stopped struggling and looked at Naruto.

"There's more for you than fighting!"

He looked up to the boy, so convinced, utterly and completely, that what he said was true. It was almost laughable. He was about to say so when there was a voice from the start of the bridge.

"Well... seems my little venture into ninja forces has turned out disastrously."

Haku and Naruto both looked to the source of the voice, and Haku felt the ice in his heart grow again at the sight of Gato. Gato, and his army behind him.

"But hey, the baby demon served some purpose at least." He smiled his vile grin. "All of you are now nice and worn down. Perfect pickings for these chaps really." He gestured lazily behind him.

Haku heard Naruto whisper something on top of him, but was far to focused on Gato to hear what it was, as the billionaire approached the corpse of his sensei.

"You were a pitiful excuse of a ninja." He laughed. "But just so you know: I never planned on paying you at all." His laugh grew louder, before he spat on Zabuza's corpse, and lashed out with a violent kick to his face.

The thugs behind him laughed in their masses, unnoticing of the ice patch growing beneath him. Just as he went to address them, he was torn apart by ice. And then all was darkness.


	2. Night Terrors

When Haku awoke he first felt the soft breeze on his face, followed by pinpricks of cold that quickly became wetness, sliding down his skin. Feeling dead tired, he slowly opened his eyes, and saw the blurry outline of shapes swaying around him. His eyes came into focus, and with them came the realisation he was being carried in someones arms across a snowy bridge. He smiled, relaxing in Zabuza's arms.

That fight had been close, but they had made it out. He tried to remember what exactly had happened, but found his memories evading him. Unfortunate, but he was sure they would come back later. Leaning his head back, Haku decided to take it easy for a while; moving might make Zabuza think he could walk, and Haku felt like staying in his sensei's arms just a little longer. 

Another snowflake landed on his face, bring the homely touch of cold to his skin. He felt blissful for a moment, suspended in his peace and comfort. Then something occurred to him; a memory. It was summer in the land of waves. Why was there snow?

Opening his eyes, Haku saw the grey sky, and the hundreds of flakes of snow descending in their glacial dance. That wasn't right. He felt a fear grow in his chest as his mind pieced together the only probable explanation. But no... that only happened when he was in a state of true sadness, years ago, before he met Zabuza. That wouldn't happen now unless...

Holding his breath, Haku slowly turned his head to see who was carrying him, and felt his spirit be split and crushed inside him, as he saw a tall, grey-haired man with a headband over his left eye, looking forward with the tiredness of an elder. The memories of what happened surged back, and Haku tried to attack. But his arms were weighed by both his exhaustion and the crushing emotions, and instead he brought his arms up and curled in Kakashi's arms, as he began to cry, tears streaming down his face.

If Kakashi noticed, he didn't say anything. He just kept carrying the weeping boy forward, until he drifted off into unconsciousness once again.

  
Haku awoke with the sounds of wind outside his window, some soft chimes blowing. This time he was not caught in the unknowing of what had happened. It was playing through his mind in nightmares, right up until the moment he woke up. Screams, blood, explosions of ice and lightning, and that look that Zabuza gave him. It wouldn't leave his head, not as he opened his eyes to meet the midnight rays of moonlight streaming through the window, laying lunar blessings upon his face, wet with tears from crying in his sleep.

He stared up at the roof above him for a while, not feeling, or thinking. He wasn't sure what he felt. Eventually he turned to look out the window, seeing the glorious moon shining down to him, framed with the silhouetted branches of the trees on either side of the window. The window latch was up, he noticed. More tears formed in his eyes as dark thoughts appeared in his mind, like black blotches of ink falling onto paper. 

He wasn't needed anymore. Why shouldn't he?

The boy didn't make a sound as he lifted himself from the bed, feeling the cool night air against his skin. Looking down, he noticed someone had changed him from his bloodied and torn clothes, into a loose fitting pyjamas. 

Walking over to the window, Haku took note of the room around him. It was simple and modest, a working classman's house, he guessed. The view from the window led out to the sea. It was a familiar sight, in the Land of Waves. The vast expanse of water glimmered silver from the moon's glow, and Haku looked down to the water just below him. He could just... step out. What was the point of doing anything else, after all?

He took a deep breath, and began to lean forward, before a sound stopped him. His head snapped towards the door to his room, from beyond he heard some infernal yelling and near screaming. With the grace of a cat, he dashed to the door, and gingerly opened it just a crack. He wasn't sure exactly where he was and he wasn't sure if he could trust these people. 

Looking out, Haku saw a short hallway, at the end of which was a door, from wherein the hellish howls where coming. A person came from up the stairs just as someone came through another door leading into the hall. An old man and a middle aged woman. The woman opened the door and went in, as the man waited outside.

Three children came dashing in from the last room, and were hastily stopped by the old man, just as the screams quietened down. Haku's eyes went wide as he recognised Naruto and Sasuke. 

"What happened? Is Kakashi-sensei okay?" Naruto was yelling. 

"Yes, he's okay... he's just having some night terrors, that's all." It was Tazuna, the man Haku and Zabuza had been contracted to kill. Haku felt some pain in his chest seeing his face. The sting of the failed contract that had cost so much fresh in his mind.

"Night terrors? I stopped having them years ago!" Naruto chuckled a bit, and Haku couldn't help but see the sheer malice in Sasuke's eyes as he retreated back into his room.

He supposed he wasn't in too much danger, if they were the ones taking care of him. After all, Naruto hadn't showed that much of a want to harm him. Letting go a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding, Haku turned back to the bed. Wiping away the partially frozen tears, he climbed back into it, and tried desperately to go back to sleep. It felt like hours before sleep and nightmares finally took him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this one being a bit short, the next one might not be to long either so i may release it a tad earlier, although this is an exam week so ill probably do a double bill on sunday (or monday depends on how wrecked i am on saturday (con time(im going as itachi)))


	3. Going To Bed Is The Last Thing He Needs Now

Haku's eyes opened suddenly, as he was woke. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down his quick-beating heart and racing mind. The nightmares were horrific, and he had been trapped in them for what felt like years. It was only now that he was ripped from them, as he felt a grip on his arm. 

As he slowly sat up, Haku stared down to the hand holding his upper arm gently. Someone had managed to touch him while he slept. That never happened before. He was always so alert, stirring immediately if he felt someone nearby. In order to do this, they must have been stealthy.

Looking up, he saw the concerned face of Naruto, framed by the morning's heliacal rays.

Oh. He guessed not. Were his nightmares that bad?

"Haku? Are you alright?" He asked, his eyes wide.

The boy gently pulled his arm away, not used to contact, before eventually responding.

"I am fine. Why do you ask?"

Naruto scratched his head. "You were kind of screaming..."

Haku shook his. "It is nothing to be worried about." He thought for a moment.

"Where am I?"

Naruto's brows furrowed for a moment, before he realised. "Oh, of course! We're in Tazuna-san's house!"

That was... unexpected.

"Why was I brought here?"

"Kakashi-sensei brought you here. He didn't want to leave you alone."

Haku was confused. Why was Kakashi so concerned with him? Zabuza would have just left whatever half-dead opponent they had lie on the roadside, if he decided not to kill them first. Did he want to interrogate him? He felt another strand of despair join the thick rope woven around his heart at the thought.

Just as Naruto went to explain more, there was a noise outside the door. Kakashi poked his head through, looking even more tired than he did during the fight. Haku felt anger rile inside him, as he stared daggers at the jōnin. Kakashi ignored him.

"Naruto, come down for breakfast, we need to get ready to leave." He paused before leaving, casting a glance to the glaring boy. "And bring him if he wants some."

Naruto turned expectantly to Haku, waiting for an answer.

"I am not hungry." He replied curtly, not wishing to spend any more time in the same room as the murdering of his sensei. But then he was betrayed, as his stomach grumbled loudly.

Naruto smiled in victory, as he reached out to take Haku's hand. The boy pulled away suddenly, his eyes wary and alert.

"I can carry myself."

Naruto didn't say anything as Haku pulled himself out of bed. He still felt weak on his feet, but tried his best not to show it, as he followed the younger shinobi from the room. Getting down the stairs took a bit longer than he'd like to admit, but he eventually made it, and walked into the kitchen, where the others were eating. 

The small murmurs of conversations silenced themselves as they caught sight of him. Naruto did his best to start conversation again as they both sat down, and a plate of breakfast was placed in front of both of them by a woman, Tazuna's daughter. But whatever Naruto was saying: he didn't hear it. His attention was focused solely on the ninja leaning agains the wall across the room, watching over the table.

Haku wasn't sure what the jōnin was thinking, as his tired eyes could really only convey whatever flavour of exhaustion he possessed at that point in time. After another minute of intense glaring, Haku looked down to his food, and began to eat, slowly. He wasn't able to eat much, as after a few small bites he began to feel a pain in his abdomen.

"Is that all you're going to eat?" Naruto asked, his one setting volume making itself very present. "Can I have the rest?" Not waiting for an answer, Naruto pulled Haku's plate over and began to devour all that was on it.

Mr Tazuna's daughter furrowed her brows as she spoke. "You ate very little... uh..."

"Haku." The girl, Sakura, gave her the boys name.

"I feel unwell." Haku managed to say, after a few seconds of effort.

The woman's look of concern became even more intense. "Do you need to go back to bed? If you're sick perhaps you should visit the hospital, it's not that f-"

Kakashi interrupted her, looking up from the table for the first time. "He's not sick." Everyone looked up to him.

"Going to bed is the last thing he needs now."

He still ignored the stare of the boy, and went back to watching over the table as his students ate.

Sasuke seemed to be eating little as well. Though it seemed more a lack of appetite rather than feeling sick. He was giving an infuriated look to his food, before looking up to Haku, and their gazes met. Sasuke glared at him for a moment, something he seemed to do a lot, before looking back down at his food, then getting up. 

"I'm ready to leave." He announced. 

"Me too." Sakura got up, from where she had just finished her plate.

"Hmfm?" Naruto looked up, food still hanging from his mouth.


	4. Has He Replaced What You Have Lost?

Before they left, they held Zabuza's funeral.

It wasn't really up to scratch in terms of being called a funeral, Haku believed, and it was certainly nowhere near what his sensei deserved. 

The boy stared out at the bridge from the cliff that they had deemed sufficient. There was a slight breeze ruffling the trees and making his hair sway slightly. He watched as a few stray leaves fell on top of the mound of dirt that lay before his blade. It cast a shadow down onto the dirt. 

It was disgraceful compared to what Zabuza deserved. Haku would have preferred he be buried in the land of water, in the village of Kirigakure, where he was destined to rule. And he would have ruled there, had Haku not failed him so completely. 

He came back from his wonderings to hear Kakashi's voice, ending whatever speech he was giving.

"May he find peace, wherever he goes." He turned and left. Sasuke and Sakura followed him.

Only naruto stayed, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly and he tried to look anywhere but at Haku, but failed miserably.

After several more silent moments, where the boy dragged his foot along the grass, he finally spoke

"Are you... going to say anything?"

Haku looked to him for a few delicate moments, before returning his gaze to the grave, where his sensei now lay.

"Master... I failed you."

Naruto didn't say anything as he watched Haku leave.

They set off within the hour, and travelled with Tazuna to the site of the bridge, only a week or so away from completion, what with all the extra help that had come along, now that Gato and his thugs were no longer considered a problem. The original plan had been to stay until the bridge was finished, and give all of Kakashi and his team time to recover their strength, and wind down form such a dangerous and intense mission, but that had changed. Naruto claimed he didn't know the reason why, and Haku believed him. He already knew what is was.

Kakashi wished to get Haku to Konoha as quickly as possible, before he recovered fully. The idea of Haku being full strength and able to catch them all unawares was a situation the jōnin wished to avoid. For good reason, too. Once Haku's strength was back he knew exactly what he would do.

He wasn't too anxious to be among Konoha ninja, however. And once he was in Konoha, Kakashi would be near untouchable. He needed to do what he needed to do before then. 

The boat trip was loud, but only because of Naruto and his endless spiel. Kakashi, at the back of the boat, opposite Haku, lay lazily back, still sluggish from his exertion. Haku gave his a cold stare for the majority of the trip. Naruto and Sakura were in the middle, Sakura looking beyond annoyed with Naruto's constant talking. Sasuke was at the front, keeping a lookout through the mist.

Tazuna was at the rear, driving the boat along, a small smile on his face as he listened to the boisterous claims of the young boy. He was amusing, in all honesty, but Haku wasn't feeling up to being amused right now, as the iron grip on his heart tightened with each second he spent in Kakashi's presence. It was the hand of Zabuza's will. The will he had tried to intill into Haku. But had failed.

Haku had failed to kill the Uchiha. Even with his completely defenseless, Haku let him live. The will had never manifested itself in Haku. Not until his... death.

Already Haku had claimed a life, only seconds after he had been fully willing to take someones elses, and had been putting every ounce of his chakra into doing so. He had become the weapon Zabuza wanted. But just too late.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, still staring at Kakashi.

The jōnin turned to look at him, his head lazily swinging around. Haku's glare intensified, causing him to turn away again.

They reached the other shore after a few hours, and Tazuna waved them goodbye, after a plethora of "thank you"s to Kakashi's team, and a single, hesitant parting nod to Haku. He didn't expect anything more.

The team all waved Tazuna off as his boat went away across the water, and then set off on the long hike back home. The three genin were up front in the procession once again. Haku was behind them a few paces, and only two meters behind him was Kakashi.

This time Naruto and Sakura were making some conversation together, rather than Naruto blathering on for nearly an hour by himself. Sasuke was still quiet. He didn't seem to talk much at all, save for occasional mean spirited quips. Haku tried to tune into what the two other genin were saying every now and then, but found it hard to concentrate.

He caught mentions of "Iruka-sensei", "Ino-pig" and some mentions of what he guessed were places in Konoha itself. Kiri had been the only ninja village he had ever been in before, so he found himself comparing what snippets he heard with his own, without really meaning to. After all, Kiri wasn't really his village any more.

After a few hours of walking, Kakashi finally spoke. "We'll make camp soon, continue in the morning."

Sasuke turned quickly and gave Kakashi a questioning look, just as Haku felt something twisted inside him smile.

The camp was a simple campfire surrounded by bedrolls, in which the four of them slept. Kakashi had evidently borrowed another from someone within the village, to explain the fourth. 

They sat around the fire, using logs as seats, and discussed whatever topics where brought up. The fire illuminated the trees at the edge of the clearing softly, giving the entire blame a mysterious glow. Kakashi explained a little more the politics regarding the lands, letting Sakura assist when needed. Soon after Naruto continued his speech about becoming Hokage to Sakura, while Kakashi explained the intricasies of using the sharingan to Sasuke. 

None of them paid any attention to Haku, even Naruto. Judging by the look he was giving Sakura, his mind was far to caught up in something else to consider him. But that was okay. Otherwise he would have seen the consistent stare that Haku gave Kakashi. 

Sasuke seemed to notice it, however. He was returning a stare right back to the boy. He had caught on to Haku's intentions, no doubt. Haku knew he would present an obstacle, although he would prefer having to deal with him at all. Only Kakashi was primed to bear his wrath.

Just over an hour after they set camp, they had all gone to bed, and were waiting for sleep to take them. Or at least all save for Haku and Sasuke were. Haku was watching the sleeping form of Kakashi as he lay on the soft roll, wondering how to strategize and plan his attack, and out of the corner of his eye he could see Sasuke, his eyes opened and trained on the young Kiri-nin.

It looked like Sasuke would have to be dealt with as well. A pity. It would be best to get him out of the way before he made his move on Kakashi. A simple lure would work.

Rising without a sound, seeming as convincing as possible, Haku stood, and made his way over to the edge of the trees. He didn't look back once, and after a few seconds was surrounded by the trees. His destination was a slightly smaller clearing they had passed through twenty or so minutes before their arrival here. As he began to leap between the trees, as silent as a hunting cat, he reckoned he could cut that down to four, maybe three, if his aching body didn't fail him.

He didn't have to sense Sasuke to know he was following. There was no way the boy wouldn't. Even from knowing him for such a short time, Haku could already tell exactly what he was going to do. He was predictable. That was why Haku already knew what to do.

He landed on the soft clearing grass with the lightest touch. Without waiting, he pressed two fingers to the ground, and felt his kekke genkai begin to work, as frost spread across the hundreds of stalks of grass, barely visible in the darkness, lit only by a partially obscured moon.

Then Sasuke landed behind him.

"You."

Haku stood and turned around to face him, his face a porcelain mask of apathy.

"What are you planning?"

"I thought you, of all, would understand that."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. The kunai held tight in his hand glinted maliciously, hungering for a rematch.

"Vengeance." Haku explained, not breaking eye contact with his eyes. "The sharingan tells me that you understand. You seek it too."

"You don't know what you're talking about!" The young Uchiha sneered, his face creasing as his brows furrowed.

"I know enough." Haku tilted his head to the side. "They took your family away, and Kakashi took mine. You seek out your murderer, as do I mine."

"Our situations are nothing alike!" Sasuke was downright glaring now, and his hand was visibly trembling.

"How so?" 

"Because... Because... Augh, Enough!" He roared, spitting his words. "I won't let you kill Kakashi-sensei." 

"Has he replaced what you have lost?" Haku asked innocently, and felt the pang of satisfaction, held only by a plan gone right, as Sasuke tensed, then, with a roar of fury, charged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIGHT NEXT CHAPTER HEHEHEH


	5. You Are A Weapon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haku and Sasuke do the Dance  
> (The One where they try to kill each other)

Haku quickly sidestepped right the swing of Sasuke's kunai, and lashed out a swift kick to his side with his right leg. Sasuke groaned and swung his arm back, a slash becoming a swift stab. Haku raised his left arm to block the stab, and with his right elbow struck the Uchiha's face. His head snapped around as a stream a blood flew from his now busted lip. He growled as he sent a cross punch of his still blocked left. Haku responded by forcing his left up, catching the punch and sending both arms high into the air. With a clear opening, he swung with another kick, this time his left, before leaping up and forward, drawing up both legs to deliver a strong kick with both feet to Sasuke's chest.

The boy went flying back, as Haku went back to roll up to his feet. Sasuke snarled, his eyes turning red. 

"You'll regret that!"

"Maybe so."

Haku was still calm as Sasuke charged again. The Uchiha spun around with a kick from his left. haku easily dodged under it, and prepared to unleash a hard palmstrike to Sasuke's back, before realising the ruse, as the boy's body twisted around to allow him to throw a kuna from his right hand. Haku barely managed to catch it in time, and was just in time to block Sasuke's slash as he spun around entirely. 

The two boys stared at each other, their kunai pressed hard against each other, their wrists doing a delicate balance of power to ensure the other was held back, while trying to push forward themself. Their breath frosted between them, Haku's kekkei genkai making the clearing colder than a forest in the land of fire had any right to be. He hoped that Sasuke, in his state of furious fixation on Haku, didn't piece together the meaning of such frost.

Sasuke launched the next attack, striking out with a punch aimed for Haku's face. With careful precision, the kiri-nin sent his arm upwards, and attempted to land another kick to his side to follow up. But just as he did so, Sasuke leapt, moving high into the air, and flipping over. Haku watched in surprise as the Uchiha went clean over his leg, landing behind it. He didn't have time to react before Sasuke was already spinning around with a kick, his left foot going directly for Haku's side. He managed to block it by moving his arm down, although he was sure there would be a nasty bruise, and his eyes widened as Sasuke continued to turn, his right swinging around to smack directly into Haku's unguarded face. 

He fell, rolling along the ground a bit before pulling himself up, blood falling down from the side of his face. It seemed the sharingan was allowing Sasuke to predict his movements once again, and react accordingly. He had little chance of beating the Uchiha with simple taijutsu. Even using typical ninjutsu was dangerous, as he could simply copy it. 

His kekkei genkai was the only way.

Without looking up to Sasuke, he quickly formed the hand seals. Snake, monkey, and the signature of ice release: tiger, but with index fingers going underneath the middle fingers. He brought his gaze quickly up, just in time to see two chunks of ice quickly form around the boy's feet, trapping him in place as his eyes went wide. He had let his guard down, thinking he was clearly set to win, and so had fallen cleanly for the trap. 

Haku would have followed up with a demonic ice mirror, but his chakra was still weak, and so he decided to resolve it with a simple use of thousand needles. He prepared to do the jutsu, but caught sight of the Uchiha's hands moving just in time to leap away, as a massive fireball shot past him, before exploding against the trees behind him. Haku looked up after landing to see Sasuke blowing out another fireball, and leapt again. This time in the air, he launched down the kunai he had been holding, and watched as it embedded into the boy's shoulder.

As Sasuke gasped and moved his hands away from each other, Haku quickly brought up a single hand to form the seals. Within two seconds he was done, and slammed his foot down, watching as the frost spread across the grass rose up into the air, before gathering and solidifying into needles. They hung, suspended, for just a moment, before shooting forth, all aimed directly at Sasuke, destined to end his life. Even the sharingan couldn't help him deflect so many.

Now he would just have to make a move on Kakashi.

There was a blur as someone charged through, and suddenly Sasuke was no longer there, as the needles shot through empty space. The ice chunks that had formed at his feet were broken apart.

Haku looked over to the side, where Kakashi had Sasuke held in his arms. He let the boy down, and looked over. He didn't say anything to Haku, instead whispering something to Sasuke, who looked angry and went to protest, before Kakashi spoke again. Looking as if he was going to sulk, Sasuke began to walk away, bound for the camp. The jōnin looked back over to Haku.

"You are making it less worth keeping you alive by the second." Kakashi said after a moment. "I'd ask that you don't make it completely worthless before we even get to Konoha."

And then he said nothing more, setting off to follow Sasuke back to camp. Haku watched him leave, shaking. He wasn't sure with what emotion exactly. It could have been rage, it could have been sadness, it could have been simply fear. He didn't know.

He heard Zabuza's voice in his head, for the millionth time in his life.

You are a weapon.

His jaw clenched, and he stared after where Kakashi had left to with conviction. Weakness and emotions were not befitting of a weapon. And even doubly so for a weapon of vengeance. 

He took one deep breath, watching the great cloud of frost form as he breathed out, the air around him growing even colder. He had to do it now. He had no other choice. 

For Zabuza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was fun as fuck, I hope y'all liked the fight scene  
> I'm not sure if I'm good or not at them but they are fun, and I get to use some new Jutsu I made up djfhd  
> I have some really cool Idea's planned for fight scenes later as well, don't worry


	6. He Had To Kill Hatake Kakashi

Haku took off after Kakashi as quickly as he could, remaining deathly quiet the whole time. His feet tapped along the ground with delicate purchase, propelling him closer and closer to his target. His thoughts were filled with single minded determination to achieve his goal He had taken too long already. It was time to kill Hatake Kakashi.

The jōnin was just up ahead, walking leisurely along the path back to the camp clearing. His hands were in his pockets as he whistled a simple tune. Haku leapt up, landing in the branches above, as he surveyed the surrounding area. He couldn't detect Sasuke at all; Kakashi was alone.

Wiping away the blood from where it ran down the side of his face, Haku moved through the branches, and dropped down as silently as a falling leaf. He landed just behind Kakashi, and quickly did a jutsu with his right hand, and didn't make a sound as he felt cold ice form around his hand, lengthening out to shape a long and sharp blade.

He took a long breath to steady himself, but found it shaky. His eyes were wide in anticipation. His whole body felt like it was vibrating with morbid energy. He had killed before, so why was he so apprehensive. It was just a repeat of what he did not two days previous.  
He drew his arm back as he trailed along, just two steps behind the jōnin, and prepared to strike. Just at the pivotal moment, where Kakashi's life hung in the balance, an icy blade about to be driven deep into his back, he spoke.

"Hatred fueled bloodshed won't save you from your grief, you know?"

Haku froze, blade still held up, as Kakashi stopped in front of him. He didn't turn around, still leaving his back open and defenceless to the young shinobi. Haku kept still, taking slow breaths as his eyes stared hard at the jōnin in front of him, whose head was tilted up ever so slightly, seemingly admiring the few stars that could seen through the gaps in the canopy. His hands were still in his pockets.

"Then what will?" Haku hissed, his wild anger, furious and thrashing within him, lining his words with heinous venom.

Kakashi didn't speak for a moment, still staring upwards. Haku felt his muscles twitching, urging him to end the life of the ninja before him. But he was hesitant. He felt shame as he asked again, this time truly looking for an answer.

"What will?"

Kakashi spoke only a few seconds after the second, when the urge manifesting in the boy's arm was becoming too much to bear in the heavy silence.

"I wish I knew. Would have saved me a lot of trouble." He sounded bitter.

"So you have no answer for me?" 

Kakashi finally moved, shaking his head gently, but still keeping his gaze up. "I don't. Grief is something I never really had much headway in dealing with." Haku heard the man sigh.

"Well you appear to be doing just fine." Haku whispered, his arm tensing. 

"Precisely my point."  
Haku looked up again, his eyes breaking concentration from the point in the jōnin's back his aim was so fixated on. He didn't speak, too taken aback. Kakashi seemed to take it as a cue to continue.

"You don't need to let it consume you. It may never be nice. In fact-" He let out a dry chuckle. "-it will be torturous at times. But you have the choice to let it take over or not."

He turned around, causing the boy to take a sudden step back, his entire body preparing to launch forward in a last ditch attack, all or nothing, to end the Hatake's life. His entire mind was on fire with conflicting drives and thoughts. A headache was quickly becoming known.

"It might win in the end up, you might become just another mindless kid seeking vengeance. But you do have the choice to resist that. To at least try to prevent that fate." Kakashi's single exposed eye looked down on him with a slight sorrowful look shining through the exhausted haze. "We already have enough children doomed by their avenging destinies."

He stared down at Haku for a few moments, as the grass at their feet became frost tipped, and their breaths' frost more intense. He didn't look away from the man's single showing eye, as the war of emotions and thoughts waged inside his head. 

He was a warrior. A weapon. His feelings, his mind, his grief, should not be a component of the equation here. A weapon does not feel. It clouds its purpose. What use was a weapon that hesitated before it strikes a killing blow? Zabuza would never have wanted his weapon to allow grief to hinder its effectiveness.

Kakashi described avoiding an avenging destiny. Haku's brows furrowed. He spoke as if Haku wasn't on his path already. He wasn't an arrow about to be loosed; he was already soaring towards the target. There was no going back for him. His only goal was to avenge Zabuza, and Kakashi couldn't offer any path other than that. Avenging his sensei was all that he had.

He had to kill Hatake Kakashi. Here and now, to make himself useful one last time for the master he had failed. 

So why did he stay his hand? Why did he release the blade, and let it fall upon the grass, as his shoulders slumped, and tears welled in his eyes. 

Kakashi didn't say anything, instead simply turning around slowly and beginning his walk back to camp, whistling no longer. Haku didn't watch him leave, his gaze fixed on the grass below him, which grew even colder still, as the seconds went on.

He wasn't sure just how long he spent staring down, tears falling from his face like crystalline sorrow, but by the time he had finished, frost had climbed up the trees around him, and in a decent circle around him, the grass crunched and shatted as he stepped over it, frozen to the point of being as brittle as ice. 

He wiped away the tears that were still on his face and began to follow the trail back to camp, a slow drudge being all he could muster. He had numbed himself not long into the walk, and continued in autopilot for the 20 minutes, not noticing the footprints of frost he left in his wake.

He must have been waiting a while, as, when he finally made it, Sasuke was bandaged up from his wound, and sleeping in his bedroll. Sakura and Naruto were still asleep, and didn't seem to have stirred at all. Haku wondered if they would ever know what transpired that night.

Kakashi was also apparently asleep, although Haku knew he couldn't be sure. 

Without a sound, he crossed across the clearing in the dim light of the dying fire, and gently slid himself into the bedroll. He closed his eyes the moment he was comfortable, and almost immediately slipped into sleep, into the realm of his marred mind and horrific nightmares.


	7. Just A Few More Minutes

The journey the next morning was quiet, unusually so for the team, Haku guessed, considering how uncomfortable Naruto and Sakura looked in the silence. He guessed that he and Sasuke weren't exactly giving of an aura of cheerfullness, and were dragging the rest of the team down. 

They were in less of a long file now, being closer together. Haku and Sasuke were walking barely two meters apaprt, and Naruto and Sakura were just ahead of them. Kakashi once again took up the rear, this time a book in one hand, while his other was nesting in the familiar hiding spot of his pocket.

They hadn't said anything as they packed up the camp, and neither of the three who knew answered Naruto or Sakura's questions. They had been at a loss regarding Haku's new cut on his forehead, and the few lines of bandages visible at Sasuke's neck, looping down to cover the wound in his torso from the thrown kunai.

It was entirely up to their imaginations what happened, and, judging from the plethora of looks Naruto was giving all of them, his imagination was hard at work. Haku wasn't sure exactly what to say to the boy. Or any of them, to be completely honest; he would rather just stay silent and look around the Land of Fire as they passed through it. 

It wasn't too outstanding in his opinion. In fact it seemed painfully ordinary. But at least the long, dusty dirt roads they travelled didn't have the constant slickness that was a seeming trait of the Land of Water. It took ninja's balance not to slip and end up sliding down a tall hill back home. He remembered being told to walk up the hills with smooth plates attached to his sandals by Zabuza, and constantly falling down them for months on end, until his balance and dispersion of weight finally became what it needed to be.

Thinking about the Land of Water was uncomfortable, Haku decided. 

Instead he turned to look at the book held in Kakashi's hands. His eyes hadn't wandered off it since before they started walking, and he seemed totally engrossed in it. Haku read the cover. "Icha Icha Paradise". The Name was somewhat familiar, but he wasn't sure. He might have spotted Zabuza reading it once or twice. 

He was tempted to ask what it was about, but decided against it. Talking to Kakashi at that moment would probably stir up some emotions he'd rather wait until he stopped to unpack. That made him think. He was waiting to get to Konoha?

He was so caught up in the surprise of that fact that he almost didn't notice a certain troublemaker slowing down from the front, letting Sasuke overtake him. Haku eyed Naruto's smiling disposition as he grew closer, obviously intent on making conversation. He half wished to turn him away, but knew that was unfair. Naruto had done so much for him, and he was pretty sure it was by Naruto's wishes alone that he had been brought with them. Kakashi certainly didn't seem to keen on the idea.

Instead he openly looked to Naruto, not exactly inviting conversation, but making it clear he wasn't going to turn it down. Naruto gave a big smile back and walked closer to him, his rather large bag waving comically on his back.

"Hey Haku!" He greeted him, rather loudly, and jarringly so compared to the quiet that had covered them all morning, since the clouds finally broke and sun spilled over the trees onto their camping place.

"Hello, Naruto." The boy replied with a nod.

"Have you had a good morning?" He asked with a vigour.

"Not particularly, I will admit." No point in disguising the obvious, Haku figured.

Naruto frowned. "Did something happen?"

Haku almost smiled at the obvious attempt Naruto was making. But, as adorable as it was in its clumsiness, he'd rather that the genin didn't inquire into the events of the night before.

"My sensei died in front of me." That would probably do the trick.

There was an immediate change in Naruto expression, as a rather powerful awkwardness took over. Haku felt a little bad seeing it, but it was amusing enough so that he didn't feel the need to apologise. 

"Yeah... Sorry about that..." Naruto rubbed the back of his head as his face scrunched up.

Haku raised an eyebrow. "You say that as if if was solely your fault?"

The genin seemed at a loss for words for a moment, while Haku merely continued to stare at him, never slowing his pace of walk. 

Haku decided to intervene before Naruto hurt his brain thinking anymore. Or said anything stupid. Haku had picked up very quickly that he was likely to do either of these things in certain situations. "My sensei's death was no fault of yours, Naruto." He looked forward, taking a deep breath.

He heard naruto begin to say something, and was dreading a continuation of the awkward interaction, before Kakashi interrupted.

"We're almost at Konoha. Just a few more minutes."

Naruto let out a bellated yell, jumping up, while Sakura smiled, and Sasuke gave a simple nod of acknowledgement. 

"Haku I can't wait for you too see Konoha!" He exclaimed, surprising the boy slightly, and Sakura as well, judging from her sudden turn and furrowed pink brows. 

"It's so cool! We have a ninja academy, a cool forest, a big cliff with all the Hokage's faces on it, and MOST importantly we have a ram-"

"Naruto! Stop pestering him!" Sakura shouted out, causing Naruto to back away hastily.

"I wasn't pestering him! I was telling him all the things he has to see!" 

Haku wished one day he could achieve a disposition that could achieve an effect similar to the one Sakura's glare cast upon Naruto. Flinching and then relenting, Naruto backed away.

Sasuke didn't look over once.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK I FORGOT TO POST IT NOW ITS POSTED 13 MINUTES INTO THE 16TH DAMNIT  
> FCUK IT IM EDITING THE DATE ITS GONNA ANNOY ME SO MUCH THAT IT DOESNT LOOK LIKE A WEEKLY SCHEDULE


	8. I Couldn't Do It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haku arrives in Konoha

Konoha was unlike anything Haku had ever seen.

Kirigakure was big of course; it was by no means a small village, but Konoha was massive. The moment it came into view he was speechless, gazing out across the vast expanse of houses, his eyes wide. He was in awe of Hokage Rock, as it stood proud, watching over the village.

He didn't have much time to admire it from a distance, however, as the team continued forward without stop, heading down to go through the village gates. The streets were long and dusty, a big change from the cobbled and always wet streets of Kirigakure. There were children running along, playing and laughing, as their parents talked outside their houses and businesses. 

Haku stared at all the sights in wonder, drinking up the vast array of new and excitings things he encountered as they walked their way through the Konoha streets. There were also a plethora of ninjas around, most of whom regarded him with suspicion due to the Hidden Mist forehead protector on his head.

The team didn't seem particularly interested with anything within Konoha, having no doubt seen it all hundreds of times before. Kakashi did give a few slight nods to many jōnin ninja he saw, and Naruto did shy away from a few glares given in his direction by many random adults they passed. Haku find that peculiar.

Eventually another team of genin crossed their path, and Haku watched as Naruto ran up to greet them. 

"Shikamaru! Chōji!" Naruto yelled. A boy with black hair tied back in a way that looked painfully tight, and a rather round boy looked over and waved.

Sakura, on the other hand, turned her nose up and huffed, mirroring the actions of the final member of the genin team before them. 

"Naruto, where have you been?" The black haired boy asked, casitng a lazy glance over.

"We haven't seen you around for the past few days!" The other boy added.

"We were on a mission!" The Uzumaki answered, proud of himself.

"Getting attacked by more cats?" A smirk. Haku had no idea what he was referring to.

"No Shikamaru, you ass!" Naruto growled, stomping his foot. The other boy, who must have been Chōji, laughed at his comrades joke. The two girls were still putting in great effort to not notice each other. Naruto began to explain the mission.

"We got to fight actual ninja!" Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. Haku saw his cast glances over the wounds covering Sasuke, who was walking towards the trio. Then to Haku, who looked as beaten as he did.

"And who's that?" Chōji was looking directly at him.

"Oh that's-" Naruto yelled as a hand smacked across the back of his head.

"Usuratonkachi!" Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "We can't go giving out information until we speak to the Hokage."

Kakashi, Sakura and Haku walked past them, as Sasuke followed. Groaning and mumbling curses at the Uchiha, Naruto soon said goodbye to the other team, and ran up after them.

It was only about ten minutes before they reached their destination, travelling up the paths through the town to reach the Academy.

"This was where I became a genin!" Naruto supplied, thinking of himself as Haku's personal tourguide. He looked confused after a moment, then turned to Kakashi.

"Why are we here?"

"We are reporting to the Hokage." His sensei replied. Haku felt himself stiffen.

Haku had only met one Kage before, and that was his own. He had also been there where Zabuza tried to murder him. Back then, he was forced to jump in to protect Zabuza from the Mizukage's attacks, and was sure he would never forget the pain received from one of the ninja's blows.

So, of course, he was not fooled by the old, slightly hunched man that worse the Hokage's hat, as they entered into his office. Haku felt a gaze on him from under the wide brim, as the man slowed the hand completing paperwork on the desk before him.

"Lord Hokage." Kakashi greeted him.

"Kakashi. How did your mission go?"

The Hatake hesitated for a split second, and Haku saw the brim tilt. "We were slightly deceived at to the nature of the mission." A larger tilt. "We face ninja mercenaries, old Kirigakure defects. Including The Demon."

Haku clenched his fist at the mention.

"And what happened?" The Hokage turned down his head to resume his paperwork as he listened.

"We defeated him, although only by a small margin. However-" Kakashi indicated towards Haku. "-his student survived."   
"Kirigakure will be glad to hear of his death..." The Hokage mused. "But as for the child, why did you not kill him?"

This was what Haku had been expecting. Naruto gasped behind them.

"I couldn't do it." Kakashi answered simply.

The Hokage didn't respond for a moment. "Do you expect him to be given refuge here?" He said after a tantalizingly long moment.

"I would hope so, Lord Hokage."

The Hokage didn't say anything for a few minutes, seemingly thinking. Haku didn't look anywhere but at the Hokage, but could feel the gazes of Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto on his back. Kakashi stared straight ahead as well.

Finally the Hokage looked up, tired eyes visible beneath the brim. He set down his pen.

"He can stay with you, Kakashi, if you are so inclined to keep him from death."

Haku clenched his fists tight, and gritted his teeth, as he glared at the Hokage. He began to shake, before Kakashi interjected again.

"I think... that wouldn't be..." He was caught offguard, and unsure of how to respond.

If Kakashi wasn't able to provide an adequate solution, Haku was sure he would die right there. 

"He can live with me!" Haku heard a yell from behind him.

Everyone turned to see the source, and found Naruto with his hand straight up in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FORGOT TO UPLOAD THIS WHOOPS  
> anyway thats my backlog used up i may have to write more  
> happy quarantine


	9. ...Delightful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haku discovers his new quarters.

Haku looked around the bedroom, rather unimpressed. He was used to sleeping on the ground around campfires more often than not during his travels, and had spent many nights without even a blanket to sleep under in his youth, but when he did, it was certainly in better luxury than this. Or at least less mess.

He glanced down at his feet, noting a half eaten cup of ramen dangerously close to spilling on his open sandals. Clothes, plates, bowls and cups of ramen were strewn about the floor and furniture. The floor itself looked like it hadn't been washed in years, if at all since its construction. His eyes followed a multitude of bugs that crawled underneath his used garments. 

And the smell. It was in another entire realm of atrocious. Haku wrinkled his nose in digust at it. He was sure there must have been some fermenting milk joining the overpowering stench of sweat pervading the small room. It was rancid. He didn't even bother to look at the state of the bed, fearing the worst. 

The ceiling wasn't much better. He had somehow managed to get a dirty shit strung from the hanging light, and a mess of spider webs occupied the four corners of the room, filled with long dead flies. He could easily see some soon to hatch spider eggs.

He of course didn't expect the boy's quarters to be the epitome of neatness, but he did not expect this. Who on earth was looking after him as to let it get this bad?

Oh. The cup of ramen had tipped. His feet were wet now. He didn't see anything to wipe it with save for dirty clothes and rags that probably had been washed only once in their entire time since being bought.  
He could hear Naruto in the kitchen, disregarding the advice of Kakashi as he tried to instruct him. They had been talking like this for five or ten minutes already, after Haku had made his way into the bedroom upon Naruto's suggestion. The enthusiasm of the boy's voice had definitely added to the height from which his disappointment dropped.

Haku listened in, hearing Kakashi's somewhat quiet voice decently through the wall.

"-n't some sleepover, Naruto. You've taken on a great deal of responsibility for the Hokage. Don't make him regret giving you the benefit of the dou-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know! Don't worry about it I have this! Believe i-" 

There was a gasp of pain.

"Listen to him Naruto, you dolt!" Sakura's voice was loud through the walls. Even louder than Naruto's. "And clean up this place, you have guests!"

"What are you even doing here? You're-"

Haku tuned out after that. He had his fill of the bickering on the trip to Konoha. It wasn't something that he would like to experience any more. At least Sasuke and Kakashi were quiet.

Deciding to keep himself at least partially interested, Haku looked over to the door to the balcony outside. He could hear the sounds of the village outside, and a snippet of what he could already tell would be a great view. Making sure he didn't step on any more of Naruto's waste on the floor, Haku moved out to the balcony, and regarded the view gifted to him with wide eyes.

To be in the midst of so many buildings was a new experience for Haku, and he took a few seconds to drink it all in. So many people around him. Thousands of them. He could see countless people now, doing their daily tasks, walking through the streets, visiting markets, putting up their washing, simply... talking. It was strange to witness.

He sometimes say a few scatterings of such things in the mist, but rarely so. There was little light in that village, nothing other than the sense of dreaded duties and silent suffering, whenever he visited in coming back from missions from the Kage. Most of Haku's time was spent on the road anyway.

So this? This was something entirely new. It was incredible. Not only the simple living of lives, but the happiness that the trainee ninja seemed to have. He saw the children leaping from roof to roof, running across wires strung between the buildings, laughing, playing catch, or doing some other childlike activity he couldn't quite discern, some of which involved rudimentary jutsus. It was beyond what he knew.

After a few seconds he heard Naruto from within, opening the door to the bedroom. There was a moment of silence, before he heard a yell.

"Kakashi-sensei! He's gone!"

There was a curse, before Haku could faintly hear. "-would be lying if I said I didn't expect it."

The boy took a few steps back into the room, letting Naruto see him. The boy looked a bit embarrassed.

"Nevermind..."

There was a few seconds of silence before Kakashi walked into the room, and gave them both a deeply exhausted look. He pointed his book at both of them, one at a time.

"I'm going to go now. Please don't burn the house down. Or freeze it."

And with that he left, and they both could hear Sakura complaining about Naruto as they did, and what sounded like Kakashi agreeing.

"Well... Welcome to my room!" Naruto said after a moment, waving his arms wide around. "I don't get many visitors..." He giggled with a wide grin as Haku stared, face straight. 

"It's... pleasant." He responded, after a moment of hesitation.

"Thank you! I have lot of ramen in the kitchen if you get hungry!"

"Just ramen?"

Naruto looked confused for a moment. "What else do you need?"

Haku decided to ignore the question. "Am I allowed to leave?"

The Konoha youth closed his mouth and furrowed his brows before replying. "I think I should ask Kakashi-sensei... Eh it's probably fine! We can go to Ichiraku ramen later!"

"...Delightful." He was going to be sick of ramen by the end of this, wasn't he?

Then something occurred to him.

"Where will I be sleeping?" The boy asked, fearing the answer.

"Oh, uh..." Naruto looked about, as if there was any other option to consider. "I think you'll be sleeping on my bed. But like you can turn so your head is on the other end if you want so it's not weird!"

Haku finally deigned to look at the bed and god no he hated this already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I UPDATED  
> HOORAY  
> IMMA TRY AND UPDATE NEXT SUNDAY AS WELL


	10. A look From The Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse into the daily routine.

Naruto offered to take Haku out for trips to ichiraku ramen several times in the passing week. Haku refused every single offer, preferring to stay inside the apartment. Naruto stayed with him for one day, before the boredom of staying with the mostly silent boy drove him mad, and he left to find his friends.

Haku did nothing but wander around the room, frowning at the mess every time he entered a room, and occasionally cooking some of the ramen for himself when the pains of hunger got too bad to ignore. He now sat at the kitchen table, eating from the cup of ramen slowly, staring blankly forward. He wasn't sure what flavour it was, as he didn't care to check. He hadn't left the water long enough to cool before eating, so now his mouth stung slightly in pain. But he didn't mind it.

Naruto had left several hours beforehand for a mission with the team. He left with a frown on his face, even as he wished for Haku to have a good day. It was not an irregular happening, for the last few days.

Finally finishing his food, Haku placed the cup on the counter beside the overflowing bin. He was pretty sure Naruto wasn't aware of how disgusting the place was, but he couldn't bring himself to tell the boy. It was just... too much to do.

He went back into the bedroom, and managed to get himself over to the balcony, where he looked out once more to the village. He spent hours out here, every day, simply staring out across the village. He could see the people living their daily lives, and watch them for hours. He had begun to accumulate facts about them, little nothings that they probably didn't even notice themselves. The motions their hands made when idle, how idly moved with the music that they heard, the way they reacted when they got hurt. He saw it all.

He sometimes got weird looks, which he supposed was to be expected. A fifteen year old boy standing on a balcony for hours upon hours a day simply looking. It was bound to cause some suspicion. But he didn't care about it. He just stared on.

He could see some of Naruto's fellow young ninjas in the mornings, heading over to wherever their senseis were. He saw the boys and girl from the day he entered the village, travelling with their sensei now. He watched them as they walked along the road in front of Naruto's house. The black haired boy walked alongside his sensei, making small chatter, as the two behind bantered. He could hear talk of food, as the boy wasn't quiet by any means.

It was the second time they had passed by that day, no doubt back from one of their small missions. The missions perplexed him. Such trivial things for ninja? At their age he was already journeying with Zabuza on assassination missions. Yet they did such small and insignificant things, like putting up fences, painting walls, picking up trash. Things that were handled by the prisoners in the Rain village. 

It was strange. So very strange. Zabuza would have spat on them for claming to be ninja.

Haku looked down, and stopped listening to what the team had been saying. He took a deep breath. Would Zabuza have spat on him now? At least those ninja did something, rather than stay in the one apartment all day, making no use of themself. 

But what was he supposed to do? Assist the Leaf? Help the people who had killed his sensei?

Or was he supposed to do what he had already tried and failed to do, of his own weak will?

He didn't know. So he went back inside the lay on the bed some more.

He didn't mind the filth and smell of the room anymore. He smelled worse, after all. He didn't see much reason in cleaning, not did he have much energy to. He preffered to just sit. Naruto hadn't said anything either, so it's not like he was making the boys day any worse. 

He lay there as the world outside got darker, and he didn't pay much more attention to his surroudings until he heard some voice coming up to the door. One was clearly Naruto's loud and happy as he boasted to whoever he was with of how great he had done during the mission. As they got closer he could make out the words more clearly.

"I know you were all impressed when I lifted that rock! Don't act like you weren't!"

There was a hum in response, and Haku recognised it right away. He felt himself tense up as he stared at the ceiling, and heard the door open. Naruto's voice got far clearer, and he heard the footsteps come in. 

"Do you want some ramen, sensei?" he heard the boy ask excitedly.

Kakashi laughed. "No, thank you, I best be getting home."

"Aw, come on!"

"I'm afraid I can't, Naruto." He paused a second. "Is the boy awake?"

"Maybe..." He heard the door creak open a few seconds later, before closing softly. He didn't move.

"Yeah he's asleep. Why?"

"Just checking... But yes I must leave. I don't think it would do him much good to awake with me in the apartment."

They talked for a small bit more, before Kakashi left. Haku simply lay there and listened as he heard Naruto prepare some ramen for himself. He heard the door open again, before a small whisper reached his ears.

"Haku... if you're awake, do you want some ramen?"

Haku didn't respond, instead letting Naruto assume he slept. He felt somewhat bad as the door closed, and festered in the feeling as the boy ate his meal in the room over. He could hear the usual humming.

A few minutes later the door opened and closed a final time, as Naruto came into the room. He heard the boy get changed, before climbing into the bed with him. He felt his feet tap against his head and tried to hold back an annoyed grunt, as a whispered apology came.

He had no idea why they slept facing opposite ways, but he didn't care to mention it.

A few more minutes later, and Naruto was asleep, his loud snores filling the room and drowning out the sounds from outside. It was hard to fall asleep to, haku had discover over the past few nights. But he tried nonetheless. He had nothing else to do. He would trade the boredom for the nightmares, he supposed. 

Or at least he thought he didn't. Not until he felt something. A look from the distance. Someone was watching him. 

His eyes shot open, and he turned in the bed and sat up slightly to look out the window. His eyes searched for a second or to, until he located someone disappearing from behind a roof. He felt something cold grip his heart, and a few seconds later he was out of the bed, and stepping out of the door to the balcony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the briefness of the chapter and bad pacing, im kinda stuck for ideas rn


	11.  He Didn't Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haku takes after the figure.

Haku leapt from the balcony with a gracefulness only a trained ninja could exhibit. He rolled as he landed on the roof below, coming up to immediately set off, taking off after the figure. His breath was calm, and his eyes narrowed and flicking between every possible point of interest as he moved, his instincts and years of training kicking in. If anyone tried to sneak up on him, or attack him from the darkness, he'd spot them. And he'd kill them. His hands itched to throw needles and form seals.

Another leap, and he crossed another gap between buildings, landing with such a quietness that no one, not even himself, could hear it. Another building crossed, and he moved like a flake of snow in a blizzard, silent, speeding and deadly. 

He could see people below in the late night Konoha, ambling about their business, talking to each other, heading home, or simply drunk during their long night on the town. He could recognise some of the faces from his endless watching of the people. 

Had the circumstances been different, he would have been tempted to pay more attention and gather more information, but his mind was occupied this night. He continued his movements and scanning immediately, continuing in the direction he saw the mysterious figure.

He leapt another gap then climbed up to a vantage point, lookig out across the village for a sign of the watcher. His eyes darted through every moving thing in front of him, checking for anything that matched the shadowed figure he had spied. He stood there for a total of five seconds, before accepting there were none. 

Then he moved on, to the next vantage point he spotted, still in the same direction. He knew how to hunt people down in urban enviroments, Zabuza had taught him so. Ninja moved across the tops of buildings, where they could cross more ground easiest. It was the most logical conclusion. As long as they believed they weren't being followed they would always stick to it. It was their golden formula.

And Haku was almost sure he hadn't been seen, unless a slight stirring in his sleep before he woke with a start was enough to spook his stalker. He somewhat doubted it would be. Good ninja did not scare so easily.

It wasn't until he had climbed up to the next vantage point; a water tower on top of another apartment block, that he had a revelation of the failings of his tactics. He looked down to the streets. Why would a ninja hide in a village built for them? There was no need, no suspicion would be attached to their appearance.

He silently cursed himself, before trying desperately to scan through the roads for anyone wearing the uniforms of Konoha's ninja. He figured they would be comfortable enough to wear their uniforms. It seemed to be all they wore on a day to day basis, after all. 

He could see more people he recognised, and many he did not, as he stalked along the rooftops. But he couldn't see any Jounin, not even Kaka-

His eyes narrowed as he spotted the back of Jounin uniform disappearing down another street, and like a flash of lightning he moved, darting after it.   
He leapt from housetop to housetop following the figure down the narrow streets as they made their way down, farther towards the more wealthy region of Konoha village, far from where Haku was sleeping. 

He watched the figure move along, and noted that they were holding something behind their back. They began to whistle a tune. Haku became tense, sensing it was a distraction intended to lower his guard. Opponents had used it against him before.

As the walker slowed down, Haku brought his hands closer together, getting ready to loose a number of jutsu at them if the need be. His mind sorted through the possibilities and he organised which jutsu he should use for the situation. 

The figure began to move to the building Haku stood on, and his heart began to hammer in his chest as he stared down as the approaching figure, no doubt preparing to attack him with the full skill of a Konoha Jounin.

But Haku was ready. He was ready to fight, and to kill. He was ready to become what his master wanted him to be.

He blinked when the figure below knocked on the door, and watched as it opened, and a beam of light shined out into the dark street illuminating the figure. Haku recognised him: the sensei of the other team. He pulled the object from behind his back: a bundle of flowers. 

Haku heard a woman's laugh, before the sensei went inside the house.

He sighed, his shoulders slouching, as he looked about the street around him. He had obviously lost whoever it was. They would be far gone by now. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, feeling the gripping hand of anger tear at his heart. His breath caught, and a few seconds later the feeling lessened, as he pushed it down.

With a dejected breath, he began his way back, remembering perfectly the path that he had taken, and quickly noticing some landmarks he could see from the balcony. He felt shame in himself for his failure. A simple tracking mission should not be so difficult, especially not with such a small headstart in the case of his target. How could he fail so massively? His sensei would hate him for that.

He was back to the room within minutes. Taking one final leap up to land softly on the balcony, and stepping side with no small amount of trepidation. He noticed Naruto still sleeping soundly, groaning, and shook his head as he climbed back into bed, trying to ignore the boys foul smelling feet as he settled down, and it occurred to him that should Naruto grow much in the next few years, he would very much have overgrown the small bed. He lay staring upwards, ready for the night of failure and hatred to finish.

He didn't sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was different, although i changed story direction after the first 300 words so if it seems weird thats because it was unplanned


	12. As Was The Next

Haku pretended to be asleep when Naruto awoke that morning, closing his eyes as the boy pulled himself out of bed, literally. He yelped out and fell to the floor, landing on a cup of his ramen and groaning. He decided the noise was excuse enough as he looked over to see the boy picking himself up and rubbing his face, making his way over to the bathroom. He stumbled over a strewn garment as he made his way across the room, but managed to stop himself from falling.

It was a normal morning, by all means.

Haku sighed out as he stared at the ceiling, his body aching from the sheer lack of sleep, waiting for some faint reason to get out of the bed. He didn't expect any to come, as it hadn't come the day before, no the day before that, and it likely wouldn't come tomorrow, or the day after.

Naruto eventually came out of the bathroom, toothbrush being pushed around his mouth with a fierceness easily comparable to a wild animal. His eyes widened when he noticed an awake Haku, lying on his back, his head still facing upwards while his eyes were staring right at Naruto.

"GODSHMORNINGHK" He yelled, his mouth full of toothpaste and the toothbrush.

Haku gave him the slightest nod, and watched as he went back into the bathroom to rinse his mouth of the toothpaste. Haku could hear the spitting and gargling from where he lay. He didn't pay much attention as Naruto went into the kitchen to make his breakfast of ramen, instead simply staring up at the ceiling as he always did, and would be doing for another few hours, no doubt, until his boredom finally forced him to get up and move to the balcony once again.

Naruto came back into the room, and got changed quickly into his usual outfit for the day. It was one of those rare days where he didn't simply wear it to bed and not bother changing at all. This was only a marginal improvement, however, since he didn't wash it anyway.

He had no idea how someone livig in such a wealthy and developed village could live like that, but he decided not to dwell on it. He probably wouldn't like the answer anyway, if he was motivated enough to give it enough thought.

Naruto said his goodbyes after a moment, and haku only gave him the slightest of nods before the boy left, running out the door and locking it quickly behind him. Haku heard the boys loud footsteps as he sprinted away from the house, no doubt late to another one of his sensei's meetings.

The next day was the same.

As was the next.

A repetitive cycle.

One day, in the late evening, Haku lay on the bed while Naruto sat beside him, eating ramen from the cup in his hand. Naruto was talking about his day, as he had been for the last ten minutes, and was showing no sign of stopping at all.

"And then Sakura-chan looked at Sasuke like he was sooo great when he's really just a-" 

Haku tuned out, continuing to stare at the ceiling as he had done for the countless days prior. Naruto, of course, didn't realise, too caught up in his spiel. Haku just bore through it.

As he did the next day, and the day after. Day after day. He lay awake for countless hours, occasionally dragged himself to the balcony to look over and observe to citizens of Konoha for endless hours, and on the rare occasion managed to bring himself to the kitchen to eat some small meal, whatever he could bare before he began to feel sick, and his arms weak.

It had been almost a month of this, before anything else happened. He hadn't caught any watcher amongst the rooftops, nor did any assassins come to take him in his sleep. Nothing could steal him from the monotonous existence that his life had become.

Not until one evening, in which the day to day schedule was broken.

Haku lay in his bed, as always, and heard the key turning in the lock. He almost didn't care enough to raise an eyebrow at the fact that he hadn't heard the usual running footsteps beforehand. He tilted his head and listened more intently, as the door was opened, and the softest of footsteps entered into the house.

Only a trained ninja, born and raised in stealth and intrigue could manage steps so soft and so quiet. Haku tensed up, as his self defence mechanisms attempted to kick up. He slowly sat up in the bed, and within a movement of his hand almost too deft to follow, produced a needle from his sleeve. He held it between his fingers, ready to flick with lethal speed at wheover came through the door.

It took a few seconds before someone finally appeared, as the door creaked open. Haku's eyes narrowed as he saw the figure appear, and his entire body tensed as he realised they were carrying someone in their arms.

In a flash the needle was sent flying. and there was a gasp, as it sunk into the shoulder of the figure, who stepped back. Several more needles appeared in Haku's hands.

"Hold... it's okay..."

He heard the voice, and he twitched, as Kakashi waited for second. haku realised slightly late, in the hazy light of the streetlamps outside, that the person he was carrying was Naruto.

"Is he alright?" He asked on instinct.

"He's fine, he just tired himself out. Let me lay him down."

Haku stood and stepped far away from the bed as Kakashi moved closer, going to lay the boy down. He watched as the sensei made sure he was comfortable, before glancing around the mess of a room.

"He really needs to clean up." He commented, stepping back and stretching out slightly. He looked over to Haku for a moment.

"Don't suppose he's even apologised for it?" He inquired, his lazy gaze staying for a moment, before moving away when Haku didn't answer.

They stood in awkward silence for a few moments, the only sounds being the noises from the village outside, and the snoring of the exhausted boy in front of them. haku didn't know what to say, or if he even wanted to say anything at all.

"Anyway, I best be going." Kakashi spoke after a moment of dragging his heel against the ground. "Have a nice night." He turn and left, heading out of the apartment. "Lock the door behind me." Haku heard as he closed the door.

He went into the kitchen and did as was instructed, putting the key on the table, as he thought. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, all disconnected, non coherent. Kakashi was the only constant. A single question was surging through his mind, as he tried to link everything together but failed.

Who was Kakashi Hatake? 

He dragged a single fingernail across the table in front of him, before instantly producing a needle. He looked at it for a moment, before he made his decision.

He didn't even hesitate as he shot through the room, heading into the bedroom and straight for the balcony. 

For the second time since arriving in Konoha, he leapt from the balcony.


	13. Terrified For The First Time In A Long While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haku stalks Kakashi

Haku landed with his usual elegance and grace, but had to bite back a groan as he brought himself up, fighting a sting of pain throughout his body. Shaking it off, he looked around keeping a keen eye out for his target. His watching was hindered by the fact that he was shaking slightly, but he eventually caught sight of the person he was to trail.

The ninja was just heading along the street in front of Naruto's place, and begun whistling just as Haku noticed him. He was strolling along at a leisurely pace, his hands in his pockets. He wasn't taking the rooftops, Haku noted. That would make his mission far easier, seeing as the ninja was far less likely to notice a rooftop stalker.

With refined stealth, Haku darted near to the edge of the rooftops, and stopped, before he began to creep along, just a bit behind Kakashi. He kept his eyes on the jōnin at all times, using his peripheral vision to chart his footing over the roofs. His entire body was poised for balance, as he stalked along the Konoha skyline. 

The ninja didn't seem to have any idea that he was there, watching silently from above. He merely continued on his way forward, to wherever his destination was. Haku only gave his destination a little thought, but he wasn't to concerned about the future. All that was in his head was keeping his gaze trained on the ninja, in case he swung around the attack the boy, or disappear in the time it took to glance to where the boy was walking, to ensure he wasn't going to trip.

He was doing fine for the first ten or so minutes, as they made their way far away from Naruto's house. They had to have been getting close to wherever Kakashi was heading, unless it was far outside the village.

Suddenly Haku keeled over, and had to once again exert effort to keep himself fro crying out in pain. He took deep breaths through his nose as he tried to pick himself up, to keep his eye on the ninja he stalked. He held back a groan again, as pain erupted, the worst of it in his abdomen.

He stayed still for a few seconds, one eye focused lazily on his target, before he finally managed to get himself up, holding a hand to his abdomen, before starting forward again. He managed to ignore the pain again, and sped up slightly to catch up to Kakashi ahead of him.

He continued forward for another few minutes, watching the mostly calm and casual ninja before him make his way through the Konoha streets, giving small waves and nods to the people he met on the way.

At one point he passed by another jōnin, and Haku slithered back to wait for him to pass, too aware of the fact that he was easy to spot for a jōnin of any appreciable skill level. He held his breath until he reckoned the experienced ninja was gone, then crawled forward to the edge once more, wincing at the pain again.

Eventually they reached what Haku reasoned must be their destination, as Kakashi headed straight towards a building before him. Haku observed him like a hawk as he went inside, closing the door behind him.

He studied the building for a moment. It looked like a building of apartment, judging by the number of families he could see through the few lit windows. He raised an eyebrow, before he looked around for a better vantage point. Surely this wasn't where he lived? A jōnin of his reputation would have a far larger and more expensive dwelling, surely?

Within a few seconds he had climbed up a rather tall building, and sat watching the apartments with precision, looking for any sign of the ninja. A few seconds after he settled, a light flicked on, and Haku watched carefully. He kept completely still, before Kakashi finally came into view at the window. He kept his shaking vision on the ninja until he left the window, and held his gaze steady. Within a few minutes the ninja returned, now changed for bed, as he crawled in, book in his hand.

Haku watched him as he lay back and read. He was perched on the building top for over an hour, simply watching the ninja flick through pages at a decent speed, two or three per minute. 

Haku held himself still, although it was getting increasingly hard to hold back the constant shivering that enveloped him. His mind was blank, however, as he simply watched Kakasho through the window, his eyes narrowed.

It was another ten or so minutes before the ninja finally retired for the night, getting up to turn of the bedroom light before going to sleep.

Haku still just watched, not making any movement from his perch, as his eyes lay on the sleeping ninja. Kakashi was asleep, alone, unaware and defenceless.

He felt his hands itch once again, begging to be put together for a seal, for the death of an enemy. He found himself pulling his shivering hands apart at one point, as he restrained the myriad of urges that were storming within him. 

But he managed, for an hour or so. Then he fell to it. His hands, which had been only a dozen inches or so apart, primed to create seals, indulged in their instinct, and came together in a speedy flurry.

Within seconds there was a knife in his hand, the cold ice a reassurance of memory upon his skin. He took a deep breath, and prepared to leap, before he stumbled forward, falling from his pre-leap postion.

He gasped out as the pain wracked him once again. The lack of food was finally getting to be too much. He was starving. But he pulled himself back up, taking deep breaths and trying to push the dizziness that followed away.

After a few seconds more of preparation, where once he would need none, he jumped.

He soared across the street like a swooping hawk, and landed as silent as one can at Kakashi's windowsill. He stayed still for a moment, needing io to reensnare his shivering. It was getting to be unmanageable at this point. He needed to act.

He looked up at the ninja through the window, and prepared to make his move, as he pushed open the window gently, his eyes trained on the prize.

Then he stopped. There was a noise. From inside the apartment. 

Haku stopped, halfway in the window, watching the body of kakashi as it began to stir violently, even moreso than before.

He heard words begin to form at the lips of the sleeping ninja, desperate pleas and cries, wretched moans and wails beginning to form. 

"No... no... I, I didn't mean... no... please... No!"

Haku stared as he began to thrash his screams getting loud enough to make the boy lean back, as they began to repeat.

"Please... R... no, Rin... Rin... RIN!"

Haku saw a sudden movement beneath the sheets, and less than a second later, with the final scream, Kakashi shot up, lightning coursing from his hand, the ball of chakra hissing out as it burned the sheets. 

He held the arm out, sweat dripping from it as the whole room was lit up blue. Haku stared at the man as he looked straight ahead, before ever so slowly turning his head to the window, and Haku felt his heart stop.

Kakashi's eyes, lit by the blue light of his jutsu, were staring directly at him, a look of desperation and an endless sea of other emotions filling. He stared at Haku, a stare harder than any he had seen before. The stare of a man parted with his humanity. The stare of a weapon.

Haku new the stare well. He saw it every time he passed the open door to the bathroom, and glanced it. He saw it in the mirror every time. 

Finally regaining control of himself, Haku launched himself away from the window, yelping out as he soared through the air for a second, before landing hard against the dirt road of Konoha. He groaned as he stumbled to his feet and sprinted away, terrified for the first time in a long while.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little thing for my favourite character in Naruto, who deserved SO MUCH BETTER.  
> Gonna upload every sunday. It probably won't be too long so I can move on to some other fic ideas I have (Including some Kibahina and some fantasy AU)


End file.
